The 5 love languages are not only reserved for romantic relationships. You can use them in your familial relationships, your friendships, and, most importantly, in your relationship with yourself.
Dating yourself and showing up for yourself the way you would want a romantic partner to show up for you is a huge part of self-love. And that includes using the 5 love languages on you. If you are not familiar with the 5 love languages, I highly recommend reading this article first before reading this one.
The gist is that there are five love languages: Physical touch, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and words of affirmation. And you feel most loved using one of these love languages in your relationships. In this article, I will teach you how to use the 5 love languages to love yourself:
Physical Touch
“Paradise is attained by touch.” — Helen Keller
Physical touch is about respecting the relationship you have with your body. In other words, it is about treating your body like something you deeply care about, while prioritising the health of your body and ensuring that you feel good in your skin.
For example, be mindful of the things you put on your skin and how they feel on your body, and also care to give yourself loving touches throughout the day.
Additionally, work hard to protect your physical boundaries with others. Specifically, do not touch or allow other people to touch you out of obligation.
Ideas on how to give yourself physical touch:
- Exercise regularly
- Eat nutritious food
- Get enough sleep
- Get a massage
- Take a bubble bath
- Buy cozy loungewear
- Get a teddy bear or plushie
- Do breathwork
- Give yourself a butterfly hug
- Stretch everyday
- Go for a walk
- Sleep naked
- Get a weighted blanket
- Massage your scalp
- Masturbate
Take good care of your body. It’s the only one you have.
Acts of Service
“Self-discipline is the highest form of self-love.” — Anonymous
Acts of service is about prioritising your future self. It is saying to yourself, I love you so much, I don’t want you to suffer. It is putting what is best for your well-being above all else.
Give yourself a loving structure that will help you achieve your goals while maintaining your self-care. Have the discipline to choose yourself over and over again. Invest in yourself with your time and money to prove to yourself that the things you want are important to you.
Work to meet your needs in a timely manner and be a good parent to your inner child.
Here are some acts of service you can do for yourself:
- Meal prep
- Iron all your clothes for the week
- Build an emergency fund
- Start investing
- Start a business
- Clean your room
- Schedule appointments you have been avoiding
- Keep your car clean
- Ask for help when you’re struggling
- Clean your kitchen before going to bed
- Lay out your workout clothes the night before
- Charge your phone the night before
- Go to bed early
- Pay your bills on time
- Make sure your car is never empty
Treat your future self like someone you care about.
Gifts
“I can buy myself flowers.” – Miley Cyrus
The things you want in this life are important, no matter how shallow they may seem to others. It is your job to absolutely spoil yourself by giving yourself what you truly want.
Work hard to create the lifestyle that feels right for you. Make choices that reflect your values and what brings you joy.
Give yourself gifts that show how well you know yourself and how much you care about yourself. Gift yourself things that will make your life more convenient, enjoyable, and meaningful; little treats that remind you that your happiness matters.
Here are some gift ideas to get yourself:
- Buy yourself flowers
- Buy yourself coffee
- Get your favourite snacks
- Always buy yourself gifts for birthdays, Valentine’s Day, graduations, and weddings. Whenever there is a special occasion where you expect others to buy you a gift, buy yourself a gift as well.
- Get yourself something you have wanted for a long time
- Buy yourself a book
- Buy fresh sheets
- Invest in new skincare
- Get yourself jewellery
- Upgrade your electronics
- Invest in your hobbies
- Buy houseplants
- Get wall art to decorate your apartment
- Get new bedding
- Buy yourself perfume
Celebrate your existence by treating yourself to your favourite things. You deserve it. You deserve the love you freely give to others.
Quality Time
“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” — Hermann Hesse
The only way to truly get to know someone is by spending time with them. The goal is not just to be okay with spending time alone, but to genuinely enjoy it. Prioritise time with the most important person in your life, you.
Set aside time to spend with yourself and be intentional with what you do in that time. You are someone worth knowing and falling in love with.
Here are ways you can spend quality time with yourself:
- Meditate
- Dance to your favourite songs in your room
- Read
- Watch your favourite show without distractions
- Go on a solo date
- Go on a walk
- Spend time on your hobbies
- Journal
- Go on a drive and blast a playlist from your teenage years
- Check in with yourself throughout the day
- Go on a staycation for the weekend in your city
- Go on a solo vacation
Learn to enjoy your own company.
Words of Affirmation
“Talk to yourself like someone you love.” – Brené Brown
The way you speak to and about yourself is very telling about how you feel about yourself. Practise kindness when you speak to yourself, practise compassion when you speak about yourself.
Give yourself compliments throughout the day. Write yourself love letters about how amazing you are. Affirm yourself when you feel uncertain. Validate your emotions when you feel triggered.
Here are some examples of how you can give yourself words of affirmation:
- Compliment yourself
- Appreciate yourself for every small thing you do e.g “Thank you for taking out the trash.” / “Thank you for getting to class on time.”
- Journal
- Write letters to yourself
- Dedicate love songs to yourself
- Celebrate small wins
- Always speak kindly to yourself
- Stop speaking badly about yourself to other people
- Give yourself pep talks
- Validate your emotions
The process of unlearning negative self-talk can feel almost impossible, especially if that is the only way you are used to speaking to yourself. I understand, I have been there, that is why there is a huge section in my book, No Bullsh*t Guide to Self-love, about what positive self-talk is, myths about it, and how to learn to do it.
Of course, you should love yourself in all love languages because imagine not wanting to get yourself gifts cause that’s not your love language. That would be insane, right? But you should double down on loving yourself in your primary love language.
I know I keep saying this and that’s cause it is really important to me that you understand this. You deserve the love you keep giving to others. It’s okay to spend your time and money on yourself. Remember, you are the love of your own life; it’s time to start acting like it. In fact, you should love yourself twice as much as you love everybody else in your life.
This is just a snippet of the wealth of information you will find in my book, No Bullsh*t Guide to Self-love. I highly recommend it, not just because I wrote it but because it will genuinely change your relationship with yourself and therefore change your life.
Thank you so much for reading. I love you, and I hope you love yourself.
If you are feeling generous, please support me as a writer by buying me coffee here. I would highly appreciate that.