I am going to share 10 signs that you are easy to manipulate according to psychology and self-proclaimed abusers. I am not doing this to make you feel bad for these traits. I want you to be aware of some of your traits that might attract abusers to you. Not in a victim blaming way, because any form of abuse is never the victim’s fault.
I want you to learn this so that you can be better equipped to protect yourself. Let’s get into the signs that you are easy to manipulate.
1. You are too trusting
The first stage of Erik Erikson’s development theory is trust vs mistrust. We are supposed to strike a balance between the two and achieve hope.
If we lean way more towards trust. We easily trust the world. We trust that other people won’t hurt us and that they have no malicious intents. And it is okay to be trusting, when that trust is earned. People need to earn our trust gradually over a period of time through their actions.
We shouldn’t trust people who don’t have any rapport with us. Because people may take advantage of us trusting them too soon.
2. You Are Empathetic
Ted Bundy used to pretend that he was hurt in order to pick women to murder. He would pretend that his arm was broken and that he was trying to carry something heavy to his car with only one arm. He would then ask a woman to help him to help her.
He was relying on us being nice, and having empathy for his situation. As soon as our guard is down because we see him as vulnerable and harmless; he would strike.
Empathy is a beautiful trait to have especially in a world where communities are dying. We don’t have to train ourselves to be apathetic. We just need to create boundaries around our empathy so that we are not easily manipulated.
3. You Struggle with Saying No
If we are not assertive and we have difficulty saying no. People notice that and that use that to their advantage. When I was doing research for this post, this is the most common thing that abusers and narcissists said they look for.
They said they look for people who are passive in their posture and demeanor. People who struggle setting boundaries. With this observation, they purposely start crossing our boundaries. They start with very small things. Things we can brush off and excuse them for. Because we are too trusting and have trouble saying no, we don’t say anything. They take our silence as a cue to cross more of our boundaries.
Gradually, they train us to tolerate our boundaries being crossed. Until we find ourselves accepting things we never thought we would ever accept.
4. You Are a “Fixer”
Manipulators love Bob the builders. They are betting on us not leaving them because we believe we can fix them. It is no surprise that we grew up to be Bob builders, especially as women because that is what we are taught to do from a young age.
We are taught that we are the exception, that we can fix him. If we are nice enough, give enough, and love him enough; he will change. He will change for us. So we stay. We try to teach him how to treat us, how to be a good husband and father.
As he senses that we will never leave him. He gets comfortable in doing whatever he wants.
5. You Have Low Self-esteem
Having low self-esteem makes us doubt ourselves. While the manipulation is going on, we are most likely to be in our heads thinking whether or not we are being too sensitive or taking the situation out of context. We have learned overtime to not trust our own judgment. And it is very hard to start believing ourselves over someone who claims to love us and care about us. And we had done a lot to show us that love.
6. You Crave External Validation
If our sense of worth depends on what others think of us. Manipulators notice this and use it to make us bend to their will. They give praise when we comply and withdraw it when we don’t. This makes us want to mold ourselves into people that they approve of. In the process we become exactly who they need us to be in order to get what they want from us.
7. You Lack Personal Values
If we don’t have things we stand for, it’s easy for others to push us around or define what’s acceptable for us. Having strong personal values acts like a compass. If we know what we stand for, manipulators can’t easily steer us off course.
If we don’t they will present their desires as normal or reasonable. And we are more likely to follow along because you haven’t set standards for our behaviours.
8. You Are High in Agreeability
Being agreeable — kind, cooperative, and eager to avoid conflict is a beautiful trait. But manipulators exploit it. They rely on our politeness and fear of confrontation to get what they want without considering our needs. And because we are chronic people pleasers who are afraid to stir the pot, we don’t say anything.
Manipulators rely on our desire to keep the peace. Being agreeable often means we avoid rocking the boat, smooth over conflicts, and let uncomfortable truths slide. This can make us appear easygoing and cooperative on the surface, but manipulators read it as an invitation to take control, knowing we’re unlikely to push back even when something doesn’t feel right.
9. You Had a Difficult Childhood
Experiencing trauma, neglect, or abuse in childhood can leave us craving approval, validation, and love from others. Manipulators can detect these emotional gaps and exploit them. They may mimic care or attention to gain our trust, only to control or manipulate us later.
We need to take responsibility for healing those wounds to decrease the likelihood of getting into toxic relationships just to feel loved.
10. You Are too Submissive
Being naturally accommodating or letting others take the lead can make us easier to manipulate. People may notice when we consistently defer to others’ decisions or preferences. And they can exploit that tendency, slowly guiding us into doing more than we intended or wanted.
Being aware of these traits isn’t about blaming ourselves. The goal is simply to notice them, understand how they can be used against us, and learn small ways to protect ourselves. When we recognize our patterns, set gentle boundaries, and trust ourselves, we become harder to manipulate; without losing our kindness, empathy, or warmth.
Learning how to truly love yourself can be an anecdote making you harder to manipulate. If you are up for that, you can purchase my self-love book, No Bullsh*t Guide to Self-love, here.
Thank you so much for reading.
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